Why Her?

Ever since Candice is born, marriage and love between us was a roller-coaster ride. We could be lovey-dovy one day and then frown at each other the very next day. What has gone wrong?

I can only admit that I play a part in this. It takes 2 to clap. I've read an article saying that how to detect and look for tell-tale sign that will eventually lead to a divorce. Firstly, its eye-rolling syndrome. Any mistake or unhappiness, you tend to bottle it up or eye roll at it. Nothing is ever talked abt and nothing is ever solved. In trying to maintain peace, I have been doing this too many time. There is no real peace. Hard feelings are only bottled up and easily triggered again next incident.

I can only say that recently I've felt very left out. I felt that in her new job, she has begun to turn selfish and self-centered. Perhaps I'm becoming selfish myself that I think this way. Anyway, I can only attribute that to her new environment. I believe stress can make ppl especially ill-tempered, let alone she is all along quick-tempered. No hard feelings towards her though, but as times goes by, I felt that my silence is taken for granted. I felt that i'm not being respected, not as a man, but simply not as a family member. She tends to make all decision, without really asking what were my opinions. I felt very unregarded.

As time goes by, I just kept quiet. Like what the article pointed out, nothing is ever being solved. I don't know how to bring this up to her. I only know that if this is ever brought up, things will just turn ugly. I don't see how she's in the mood to discuss this. Maybe I am being unreasonable as well. I've looked at myself, and I realised that the eye rolling syndrome is taking a toll at me. I'm simply bottling it up, only to just fall into silence when I feel that she start to be unreasonable. Sometimes, quite abruptly, that she herself is being confused. I like her to ask me or pester me to cheer up. The frequency of it happening is very rare.

I feel that I love her very much. But since Candice is part of us, I prefer to turn my attention to Candice whenever the silence start. I just ignore her. I know all these are never going to change anything. I am at my wits end too. I just hope it won't get too serious, that it will hurt our relationship. As of now, I know that she loves me deeply, and I definitely love her more. Whatever the case, I value this relationship as much as my life. I've seen a good friend of mine going through hardship in maintaining his marriage life. I know that I'm not trying hard enough.

I promise I will try, to rekindle any love lost, and to win her heart with my might. I love you, Sharon Lee. But maybe you can consider my feelings more?

Many, as well as myself, has asked me what did I look in Sharon that I have her as my wife. To date, I don't know. Many description like "I knew she's the one once I met her" or "She's the one that made me complete" are very true. However if you really want to attribute it to a reason or substance, I can't give an answer. To date, I really don't know. I once read that true love are like this. You won't stop loving her whatever she becomes, because there is not a reason that you started loving her in the first place. Furthermore, to date, I never come across anyone who made me felt like what she did. In summary, I don't know why I love her, but i do.

20 Months and counting....

Candice is officially 20 months and 3 weeks old...

I don't mean to pretend that I've aged a lot, but looking back at how Candice was since her birth, I finally realise what's growing up. Many told me when your child hit age of 12, you feel as thought she was born 6 months ago..... how true!!

I have not been writing for almost a year, and I don't know what happened to me today. But i just felt sentimental, though I've almost forgot the existence of this blog, but hey, I'm back!! Don't ask for a date for the next entry though...

Candice is a smart girl (I believe all parents thinks that way of their children). She is very interested in Barney and iPad. Yes, its really iPad. She mutters "Barney" and "iPad" during her sleep. Anyway, that's her daily sleep routine. An hour of Barney before she turns in.

Although older generation may frown on introducing iPad, and I have my reservations as well, watching how she learns through different games on iPad pushes all worries away. Traditional methods of storybooks and stuffs doesn't work on her. She's just too active to sit there and learn, and her attention span is too short. But with an iPad in front of her, she will just sit there and fiddle around with it for the longest time she would , compared to the rest of the things in the world.

I wished she could go to school, but she's too young for that. I've enrolled her, but i don't understand why that childcare center doesn't even bother to call me back. Everytime I call up, the principle will not be in (apparently she is the only one who can deal with enrollments). I've registered as soon as Candice turn 18 months, and to date, not a single response from them. Well, even if they call now, I won't risk Candice to attend that kind of school.

I've also changed my job, and is a member of Otis Elevator. I'm enjoying every moment as yet, and I'm glad that I've stepped out of my comfort zone. Well, it wasn't a real comfort zone to be frank. Wifey also changed her job, and is also enjoying her new jobscope as well!

Nonetheless, my life continues to evolve around Candice, but now that she's bigger, i have more free time. My MIL is the best MIL in the world who never complains when Sharon and I goes over very late, and sometimes we will just leave it at her care while we go have some time for ourselves!! I'm glad that my MIL shares this responsibility, but I'm not going to take her willingness for granted. I know how tiring it is to look after Candice, and MIL may one day gets worn out doing that.

As a result of wifey travelling for her regional job, Candice stays over at my MIL place, as my MIL feels that I may have a hard time taking care of her(which i can do that very well). Candice has grown very attached to my MIL, and I believe Candice places my MIL in her No.1 place now. I have no complains though, just a bit jealous, but hey, its my own doing that caused this afterall.

Anyway, I will just hope that Candice could have everything she needs in life, and I hope I'm able to provide for her. I just hope that she can enjoy her time while being my child, and I try not to have any expectations for her. Not that she won't achieve it, but I feel that she should be able to choose and live her life, just the way she wants to. I hope she could pursue her own dreams, with utmost honesty and integrity. I will try to shape her attitude and integrity, and will leave the rest to her own decision when she grows older.

Meanwhile, I will still be doing many of the decisions for her.....

Fatherhood....Finally...

It's been 8 months...

I can't really find an adjective for it... but its called parenting. I haven't changed (although many says I did...) a bit for her... But I'm willing to it needs to be. Honestly, doing things for her sake is like almost dutifully. It doesn't feel like a task. Its rather like a responsibility.

I mean she's helpless of anything except feeding and opposite of that, cries and smiles according to her emotions. What else? Basically u make every single decision and every needs of her is taken care of.

Of course, there are like waking up 4 am to change her diapers, or waking up 5.30am because she wakes up that time... then sleeps at 6.15am again which leaves u wondering whether to go back to sleep or prepare for work....

To say I enjoy it? No... not really... I hate it?? Not a single bit.

I think I would say I'm willing to take up this responsibility. To those who thinks its easy. Let me tell u there are lots of sacrifice to be made.

To those who feel that they are not up to it, they should try it out. No room for regrets, but there are no perfect parents. (Now I know why....)

Of course, I must say thank you to my wife. Honestly, she made this transition slightly easier. She allows me to do whatever I feel like doing and she's definitely taking up responsibility as well.

Although there are many times she feels fustrated about me, she will try to put up with it. I understand that she feel not as loved by me as before (crazy.. I love her more than before...). But honestly, that's because I feel that as a mother u should be more independent already.

I can't say how grateful am I to her. There are times I wish that I could say I love u or sweet mushy things to her like in the past, but sometimes it just get stuck in my throat. When I gathered enough courage... I will be splashed with instant freezing agent like "Crazy" or "What the hell did u do wrong again today..."

One things I miss is how I always plant a kiss on her face or how i would hug her from behind. Anyway.. We are spending most of our time at my MIL place so... how do i do that in front of everyone??

But I honestly love her as much. And I would definitely treasure her as much as Candice. She always feels that Candice is placed higher in my heart. Of course!!!

But I don't think we can survive without her. Period.

I love u Sharon.

I really do.

(I love u 10 times more Candice~~~~)

Its so near yet so far....

My princess is not rushing to come to this world yet.....

She's enjoying her time now, kicking and relaxing in that little space of hers..... I shall tell u the most amazing thing on earth is to feel her kicks and movements through the tummy.....

That kick reminds me of my responsibility I will be going through. That kick tells me she's healthy. That kick tells me she's coming soon. That kick tells me she's going to be part of my family soon.

Its wonderful to feel her. Its just... amazing.

I getting prepared now. Everything that is needed should be bought already. But the needs changes over time, but this can be taken care of as long as I stay employed.

Its mentality. I didn't use to set example for anyone. I didn't use to educate or groom anyone. I didn't need to provide for anyone. I didn't need to lose sleep to anyone. I didn't have to serve anyone.

Now I have to. Rather soon.

Girl, I will love u....

P.S Your daddy and mummy just can't decide on a name for u. Your mum always comes up with new names while i still prefer Cassius. What do u think?

A Princess coming my way.....

Right... now.....

The essence and the fruits of our marriage...

My little Darling girl coming towards me...... Her birthday is going to be very near mine too.....

Yes... thank you for your blessings for those who had known and generously gave your blessings...

With this girl coming.... it is happiness.... anxiety.....

Its like you anticipate for something to happen... but u never been through it... you know that its so far so good... but u can't help but to ponder about the little mishap that might happen.... you begin to go half empty.....

Well... i guess that's normal.....

If this blog still exist by the time my girl is 20 yrs old, I hope she can answer this question...

Is Alvin Chow a good father?

Are you going to choose him as your father given a choice.....







That's the exact question running through my mind....

How to be a good father?

How to provide the best for her?

How can I make her to be the best out of herself?



Sometimes out of boredom, i would start imagine myself lecturing this little girl of mine.... I began to wonder what type of questions she would ask..... I begin to think how she would call me "Daddy..".... I can also imagine her pouting and throwing that little tantrum of hers to get me to fulfil her wish....


And sometimes I feel that I may not give her what she wants.... I may not be able to provide her with the neccessary conditions for her growth... I may make certain choices that may not be the best for her.....


Everything cost money.... and its so expensive.... Strollers, bed, clothes, milk bottles, milk powder.... I really cannot imagine myself being out of job.....


To think a few months ago i was still thinking that i should do a job that is near my interest... and not do a job because it pays well.....

Ask me again i will do anything that pays well.... Period....

So what if i'm enjoying myself.... so what if I enjoy working...

The real enjoyment is to watch her grow up with everything she needs.....

I assure u darling.... Your father will try my best.....

Do not blame me if I didn't suceed....

Cassius.... I love you....

(That the best name i thought of so far.... anyone would have any good names to share?)

1 year after marriage.....

And i can confirm its definitely not the grave of love..... in fact i'm crazily in love.....

okok... not that much as we were still younger and more carefree...... but again..... i'm happy.....

U have this girl in your life who looks to u for everything, and in turn gives u everything and u also make everything works for her. Try as i might, there are definitely something i can't fulfill.... but that's life.......

It makes u responsible, changes yourself to be an example.... wait a min... example.....

Right.... that's for the Jr. Alvin/Sharon coming this November......

She has given me the best present this year.... hopefully the next few years to follow as well... haha......

And yes... I still love her as much.... but... i'm not going to love the child any less.....

I simply can't wait.....

What it takes....

Recently there are a lot of reports on people killing people... people killing nature.... people killing birds.... people killing mosquitoes.... people killing children.... wait a min.... CHILDREN!!!!!!

This damn bloody irresponsible mother and this damn irritating step father killed their own children in Penang (thank god.... its not in Singapore...) and they said the case was similar to Huang Na. Damn!! This child here is even more cute than Huang Na. Her pic is so alluring that one look u will melt.... like u just wanna cuddle her... wanna make her laugh all the time....

How could somebody just kill her like that..... and worse... she is murdered by fire....

Gross....

I tried not to write abt current affairs... for fear that i might be charged for defamation or maybe worse... racist remarks..... but i just can't take this.....

Sue me for all u like. This parents i mentioned above have no heart. Have no conscious. Have no brain. Have no feelings. Have no soul. Inhumane. Incorrigible. Irresponsible.

They must be those who hate children. They cringe in fear when they hear children screech. They shiver when children cry.

I just can't stand ppl abusing children.

What can possibly make somebody kill? What does it takes to do it? Especially when the victim is a child, bubbly and energetic, a cute and lovely round face, with such down to earth smile and maybe a wonderful voice......

The only creatures i kill without twitching my eyebrow is cockroaches, especially flying ones, mosquitoes, fly, or any insects that tries to harm me or my love ones. Anything bigger than my palm size is out of question. How to kill?

Perhaps for survival, we kill. Like chickens, crabs, birds and fish. We kill them to survive. If not, we die.

So do u have what it takes to kill a human? If i have to kill one, i would probably do it on the battlefield. Out of that, its impossible.

Maybe i am a coward. Maybe i am scared. I will think twice even i pull a punch. Thankfully, my fist haven't hit anyone yet.

Does it mean you are brave when u can kill? I think when u can finally kill, you are an devil. I rather be a coward. I won't kill.

If i finally did, please.....

kill me...