World of contradiction....

Have you ever been in a situation, which you have to do the opposite to gain something which will happen in the opposite way what u have done?

Like you spend money to earn money, u work harder so that u can enjoy better rest, you study harder, so that you don't have to study hard when test come, you release stress so that you can take more stress.....

Contradiction. That's what it is happening in this world.

I find myself in this situation now. All over this girl i love so much i cannot lose her. I want to hold her so tight. I want her in my pocket. I want her. I love her and i want her to do so too. I just don't understand why. She has been in my heart for 4 years already, but it just felt like 4 months. I just cannot get tired of her.

Now, i have to let go of her. I love her as much. I can't just simply stop myself from loving her. Maybe if i die. But i won't forsake my wonderful life. Its just so wonderful with her. I get too paranoid over her. I demand attention from her. I want myself to be the top place in her heart. I want her to listen to me. I want her to only have me.

That's fatal. Immotality. That's downright murder. Its a death.

She will feel so stress to carry on this relationship. She will feel its a duty to do what i want from her. She will just do for the sake of doing. She will just follow my instructions or orders, without knowing if its what she wants.

This situation caught me. I have to contradict myself. It hurts. I have to let go of her. I know i can't do that, for she is really so deeply etched in my heart. I just can't let go.

But i have to. If not, the consequences will be fatal. I will die. Things will turn ugly. She will break free in the end.

So, the best way is to let go, experience a bit of pain and heartache. Its better than dying, although i rather die at the time of suffering. I will let go of her. So that she has her space. I will restrain myself. I will love her as much. And i hope she does.

I am loving her too much. I am suffocating her. My good will has turned into suspicious when it reaches her side. My concern tickles her so much that it becomes an irritation. I must stop all these, if not she will just run away. You are tired. So am i. We can't go on like this forever.

I am sorry. I will hold back next time. We will improve. Things will get better. I love you dear. Take care.

Please take this positively. Do not think its a death sentence. We will make it through, like we had before.