Happiest man?
I seems to have everything now, as i had chosen to propose to her in the most romantic way, spending all my efforts and guts to do that. My friends were all envious of me, and i indeed, for some time, thought that i had finally achieved something in my life.
Thoughts were always decieving, and reality is the truth. The fact is, following the proposal comes the marriage. After the marriage comes the flat, and after the flat comes the family. And i am not even talking about a car, which is so essential in my job, as well as when it comes to giving her a ride home after a tiring day.
I can afford none of the above said. I have very little left in my savings, or rather i didn't have one. Everything needs money, and sometimes i feel that i am utterly useless when it comes to dollars and cents. I have started working for almost 1 year, but it seems my account is never growing.
I feel that i can't provide her with what i thought i could. I think i am giving everyone a share of my problems. My parents, her parents and her. Everyone have to worry for us, and i have to put on a false front. The thing is, i am just running.
I am really tired, for everything i did, the returns seems so far away. My investment won't mature unless 5 years later, my flat can't earn unless i sell it 5 years later, my degree seems so far away, and my job salary won't increase significantly untill i finish my degree.
All i can do is look back at my poly days and laugh at myself for not working hard enough to be where i am now.
I thought i could give her everything if i worked hard. I thought i could make her life better if i strive hard. I thought i could make her life easier if i put in effort.
I wished i haven't gave any promise, i haven't have any burden. I wished i am capable, i wished i were richer. I wished i could fulfill whatever she asked for. Her tears break my heart, her smiles makes my day.
I hope this nightmare will be over soon. I wished i can rewind the time and took a step at a time. I realised i didn't thought of many things coming. I think i am breaking down soon. Spare me some advice, anyone?
Thoughts were always decieving, and reality is the truth. The fact is, following the proposal comes the marriage. After the marriage comes the flat, and after the flat comes the family. And i am not even talking about a car, which is so essential in my job, as well as when it comes to giving her a ride home after a tiring day.
I can afford none of the above said. I have very little left in my savings, or rather i didn't have one. Everything needs money, and sometimes i feel that i am utterly useless when it comes to dollars and cents. I have started working for almost 1 year, but it seems my account is never growing.
I feel that i can't provide her with what i thought i could. I think i am giving everyone a share of my problems. My parents, her parents and her. Everyone have to worry for us, and i have to put on a false front. The thing is, i am just running.
I am really tired, for everything i did, the returns seems so far away. My investment won't mature unless 5 years later, my flat can't earn unless i sell it 5 years later, my degree seems so far away, and my job salary won't increase significantly untill i finish my degree.
All i can do is look back at my poly days and laugh at myself for not working hard enough to be where i am now.
I thought i could give her everything if i worked hard. I thought i could make her life better if i strive hard. I thought i could make her life easier if i put in effort.
I wished i haven't gave any promise, i haven't have any burden. I wished i am capable, i wished i were richer. I wished i could fulfill whatever she asked for. Her tears break my heart, her smiles makes my day.
I hope this nightmare will be over soon. I wished i can rewind the time and took a step at a time. I realised i didn't thought of many things coming. I think i am breaking down soon. Spare me some advice, anyone?
posted by sharon_alvin at 8:32 AM
1 Comments:
Take a read at ur feb post "Life"- On how u managed to learn from past experiences. A choice was made & u guys got to face it & work towards solving it together. Its a rough patch but I am sure it makes the love stronger. Face the reality and think of alternatives to make it better? There's bound to be a solution. Perhaps some sacrifices first? Talk it out.. think it through.. put first things first.. You can do it!
Jus some tots..
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